Fragile Souls
by Bri527
Summary: A Post-Mockingjay Pre-Epilogue story. How Katniss and Peeta find peace again with one another. How Katniss pulls herself out of a terrible depression with Peeta there every step of the way. Rated T because it's the Hunger Games and Everlark fluff
1. Prologue

**PROLOGUE**  
It's been 6 months. Six months since we won the Rebellion. Six months ago I watched my best friends leave this world. My little duck, Finnick, and my true love who is still here but will never come back. Not completely at least. So many lives were lost during the Rebellion, and so many I caused.

The districts are in such bad shape. Many in complete ruins, others have less destruction but all have been touched by the Rebellion. Now we realize what we have done; the damage is beyond what we had planned. Or what I planned at least. And life has become hard for everyone.

I'm back in 12. Still living in my house in Victors Village. Alone. My mother is in 3, I think, helping the doctors come up with new medicines and also helping citizens with post Rebellion conditions. I haven't spoken to her much though. Haymitch is here though and Effie checks up every once in a while to see how I am. Probably just to make sure I'm still eating and showering. At least she doesn't try to talk to me about manners.

I've been lost without Peeta here. My nightmares come every night. I hardly ever sleep anymore. I need him here with me, I need him to be mine, but I know that will never happen again. I let Snow take that from me; the one thing I am completely sure of now a days. I need Peeta Mellark.


	2. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

There they are. Lined up right before my eyes; Rue, Glimmer, Marvel, Cato, Seneca Crane, Cinna, the morphlings, the sweet people from the hospital, soldiers from the Rebellion, the workers trapped in the cave, Coin, Snow, my father, and leading them all my sweet sweet Prim. They're marching right towards me like an angry mob pitchforks and torches ready to kill me. I'm screaming for help but I can't move, suddenly they stop. And a fire emerges from under them climbing up. Prim speaks, speaks to me, "You did this to us, you did it, because you wanted to protect yourself, you are selfish...". She's cut off by a flame that engulfs her. And I can do nothing, I can do nothing but scream, I'm stuck.

It's not the first time I've had this dream, it haunts me weekly. I have nightmares every night. I wake up twisted in my sheets, drenched in what I can never tell is sweat or my tears, and a sore throat and hoarse voice from screaming my brains out at something that's not even there.

I don't know how much longer I can hold on like this, with every morning just like this one. Waking up exhausted from lack of sleep, not eating because I'm just that depressed, and sitting in the living room staring at the fireplace which only has a fire in it every day because of Greasy Sae. Sae was assigned to check up on me everyday; make me a meal, even though I hardly ever eat it, try and have a conversation with me even though I haven't spoken a word to anyone. Not even Haymitch.

The phone rings almost everyday, but I never answer it. I just let it ring and ring and ring. It's probably Dr. Aurelius trying to have one of my assigned sessions with me. That was the deal when I left the Capitol I had to keep having regular sessions of Dr. Aurelius until he released me from his care. I just ignore it. I know what he'll want. He'll want to put me on medicine. Medicine to get me out of this depression and medicine that helps me sleep. Medicine that my mother needed years ago but they didn't have, now they do. I won't take it though, even though I have truly turned into my mother. Blank stare, not talking to anyone, ignoring the world going on around you. Yep that sounds like me.

Mail piles up on my mantle. I don't open it. I don't even look at who it's from. If any of them really cared they would be here with me. But everything I truly cared about isn't even here anymore. Everything I lived for. Prim. It hurts me to even think her name. I feel so guilty, I feel so guilty because I didn't protect her. I didn't protect her from Coin, she wasn't part of our "contract". Peeta was though. I asked to protect Peeta. Why? I swore I would never love anyone, never get married, and especially not have children. But what now? There's no more excuses. The Hunger Games are gone the threats are gone so why should I be afraid.

But why does it matter, I have nothing to live for anyway. Even Peeta is gone. Well not gone gone, but he'll never be the same and I just can't trust myself in that situation again. I destroyed so many times over and over again. Broke his heart and broke his mind. I miss him so much though but being with him again would be too selfish. I have no more in me to be selfish ever again. My selfish actions got us into this whole mess in the first place.

I see out the window that it's getting dark out, well I guess it's time for me to make my way up the stairs to my bed. Better prepare myself for a night full of nightmares, I've been thinking too much today. When I hear a clumsy soul barge through the door. Haymitch. Ugh what does he want.

He comes stumbling in the room and sees me reaching for the staircase. "Woah woah, there there sweetheart hold up. I got some news for ya". What on earth could he be coming to tell me. "Ready or not sweetheart there's a someone coming here tomorrow for you. I suggest, being ready" he chuckles and stumbles back out the door.

I drag myself up the stairs and under the covers with Haymitch's words running through my head. Someone coming for me? Not my mother. Gale? No he wouldn't dare. I'd shoot him down myself and he knows that. There's only one other person Haymitch would actually warn me about coming. It's the person who's been on my mind all day. And all I know is I'm not ready to face that yet. I can't. I swore I wouldn't. I have to stick to it I can't fall into those bright blue eyes that remind me of the ocean in 4, which then reminds of Finnick, which leads to me remembering everyone else I lost and killed. No. I can't see him. It's like opening all of my newly healed scars again. He said he'd always be there but now I don't know if I want him to be.

**_Not sure if this is the right way to add an Author's note or not, I hope so. Anyway thank you so much for all the follows and favorites. Please please please review! I want to know what you think of my first chapter and what you hope for me to include in later chapters. Thanks again xoxo _**


	3. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything _

CHAPTER 2

I wake up the next morning very early, the only way I know that is because the sun isn't even up yet. I only had one nightmare last night. It was one I've seen before but is rare. It's about loosing Peeta in the first games, in the second games, in the war, over and over again watching it happen. But again I can't do anything but scream and flail and cry out for help. He's died in my dreams too many times to count.

This whole dream has made me rethink my plan of action from last night. Can I really shut out Peeta forever. What if he needs me too like I need him? I can't deny him that right? I still want to help Peeta, if he needs help. If he still needs to play real or not real I'll play with him. Maybe it will help me too. Get some closure on the past so I can hopefully go on with the future, but where is my future going. Somewhere with Peeta, or will I be alone? I don't know how I feel about that all yet, what if Peeta doesn't love me anymore the way he used to. I can't get my hopes up, I'll only get hurt in the end. I need to expect for the worst, and not expect anything better. Nothing has been better than the worst in my life anyway. Think about it. Besides him.

Peeta's given me so much love, so much love that I could never return. But now maybe I can. What if he wants that again, could I give it to him. No, I couldn't. I'm too broken, too broken to love and I'm too much for him to deal with. I've caused him enough pain, he deserves someone better than me in his life. He needs someone who can give him the one thing he's always wanted... Children. A gift I could never give Peeta. Even if I got better, I could never trust this world again. With my luck I would have a kid and they would bring the games back and we all know who the first name picked out if the reaping bowl would be. I could never let them happen. Ever.

I've been thinking too much this morning. Too much for me I guess. I already have a headache. There's too many questions, too many what if's. so I just roll out of bed... Hey at least I moved. I don't change into anything special just yoga pants and a t-shirt that is way too big on me. I walk downstairs hoping to find someone, anyone. But I don't, my house is as empty as before. The ghosts of my past hanging in the air I breath, I will never be able to forget. My life is going to be miserable, forever. I will never be able to live down the Girl on Fire or the Mockingjay. I will always be haunted by memories of my family and dear friends. And the nightmares will never leave, ever. I don't know what to do anymore, I am my mother. This will eat me up until I die, and the sad thing is, I don't care.

I'm running, faster than I've ever felt myself ever run before, but I don't know what I'm running from. It doesn't seem that I'm in a place of harm. That's when I hear it faint, but it's there. It's the sound of the lost, the ones who dies, the ones I loved, the ones I killed, the ones I miss with all my heart.

It's just a dream I realize, just a dream.  
-

I don't get it, I don't understand what the dream meant, and I have no more time to analyze it because I hear a knock at my door. A knock, who knocks? Sae lets herself in and Haymitch would barge in himself. That's when I see it, through the window. The golden hair that only belongs to one man I know. The man I was afraid would arrive on my doorstep today and I have no other option but to answer the door.

I slowly get up and walk to the door, it's only a few steps but it feels like the longest walk of my life. When I finally turn the doorknob and see his eyes they look at me, and then they look sad. Then I realize what I must look like to him, a mess, a joke, a sad excuse for a human. He pities me, I can tell, I see it in his eyes. The way he looks at me and when he speaks, I hear it in his voice.

His first words to me are my dreaded terrible name the name that has killed so many. "Katniss", he says and looks deep in to my eyes to try and find any type of emotion within me other than sadness, but I'm sure he finds nothing. That's when I speak, the first words I've spoken in weeks because I don't want to disappoint him.

"Hi Peeta", I say and it comes out no louder than a whisper. His eyes lighten when he hears me speak. Maybe he talked to Haymitch, maybe he realizes too that these are the first words I have spoken in weeks. Maybe he doesn't realize the effect he can have. I feel my lips twitch up but I don't allow them to peak into a smile, not yet, I'm not ready to be happy.  
"Do you wan to come in?", I ask Peeta. He seems bamboozled like he's seen a ghost, but recovers quickly with a small grin and a slight nod of rain.  
"You came back", I say to him sadly but with a hint of hope in my voice as we sit on the sofa.

"Of course I came back Katniss, where else would I have gone? My whole life is here, and so are you", typical Peeta back to his old charming ways. This is the boy I fell for. I realize in this moment, behind the words of his simple statement there is hope for us in he future. There is hope we can be together again, become close again. Maybe only as friends at first, but Peeta will always be more than a friend to me.

_I'm terrible at this I really am. I don't update and my stories ehh they're alright. Please please please leave a review so I know how I'm doing and so I know what direction to go in. I promise that I will update more!_


	4. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games... That's all Suzanne Collins (:_**

CHAPTER 3

He came back... The only three words going around in my head after he leaves. As I'm sitting at the table eating some leftovers Sae left in my fridge, he is all I can think about. Earlier this morning before I saw him I was sure I loved him, but now that he's back that word 'love' scares me again. I don't know why it does, but I think now that he's here and love is a possibility again is the reason. I should've been smarter about letting him in again, I should've not opened up so much. But that was what the old Katniss, the one who hated the idea of marriage would have done. This new Katniss doesn't hate love and marriage, she's just afraid of it.

I wish my father was here he would be able to help me, but I already know what he would say. He would tell me to "follow my heart, don't be afraid of love, Peeta is a fine young man" and then he would give his approval of Peeta. I believe that my father truly wanted me to find love and get married. He did. He loved my mother so much and she loved him more than anything. I want a love like their's, but look where that led them. My father passed away and my mother fell deep into the dark hole of depression. She slipped away.

I don't want to be my mother though, but I know Peeta would never leave me and if something tragic were to happen I know I could never face this world alone. He is my rock and forever will be, whether we stay just friends or become more. I want to be there for Peeta just like he is for me, I want to prove to him that I am someone. I'm not just Katniss the "Girl on Fire" and "Mockingjay" of the rebellion. I want to be more to him than the girl from school and the girl from the games. I want to be someone who helps him recover from his past so he can have a bright future. I can help him, I know I can, it's just a matter of me doing it.

He told me about his treatment he received in the Capitol to help him recover from the hijacking. He explained to me though that venom will always be there and there will be times where he still as attacks, he just needs to teach himself how to control them and how to recognize that they are coming. He expected me to be scared, to back away and ask him to leave, and honestly that's what I should do, but I can't. He was there for me through so much I can't just abandon him now. I know how to get him out of his attacks... I did it before when we were on the Star Squad.

"Tomorrow", I think aloud . Tomorrow I will visit Peeta at his house, maybe bring some food that Sae cooks up, and I will talk to him about how I want to help him. But I can't tell him I love him yet, it's just way too soon and I need to decide if he has the same feelings he has for me as he used to.

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I slept pretty peacefully with only one nightmare, it was a memory really, the time I saw Peeta right after they rescued him from the Capitol. That's all I want to think about that memory... One of my worst memories of the war.

I decide to get ready pretty early, in fact the sun is only starting to come up, but I know he'll be awake. I doubt he slept much his first night back. I decide to look a little more presentable then I did yesterday, so I jump in a quick shower ignoring the mirror as much as possible because I look like a young child's unfinished art project with all my scars. Once I'm out I realize how much I miss the Capitol technology and how you could be completely dry with just a push of a button... I take that back, I despise all Capitol technology because look at how much pain it has caused us. I pull myself out of my thoughts, quickly dry off and put on a pair of dark denim jeans and a green blouse (typical green). I decide to just leave my hair down, I'm in too much of a rush to braid it. I slide on the warmest coat I own and head out the door after grabbing the almost forgotten breakfast leftovers Sae left here.

It's a short walk to Peeta's house and I'm there before I know it. I walk up the steps to his house and knock on the door gently in case he is asleep. I know he is awake though because I can smell the fresh baked bread from here. I hear him jiggling the door to get it unlocked, I'm at first met with his sweet bright ocean blue eyes, but am soon faced with the dark stormy gray eyes I have learned to hate.

"Peeta?" I mumble probably in-audible to him.

I know I'm in trouble when he starts pulling at his hair. Then he starts screaming, "YOU MUTT! YOU DIRTY FILTHY MUTT! YOU KILLED THEM!".

I don't know what to do, last time this happened only one thing snapped him out, but he's too rowdy now. I make a run for it, I dash down his porch over to the only other person I know truly understands. Haymitch.

"Haymitch!", I yell when I make it to his house. Surprisingly enough he doesn't answer, he never does. I just bust open through the door and drag him off the smelly old couch he's laying on and start screaming. "Haymitch it's Peeta... He's having an attack".

"What? What?" He mumbles under his breath still drowsy from sleep.

"PEETA THINKS I'M A MUTT" I holler as loud as I can tears streaming down my face and sobs wracking through my body. That's when I hear him running through Victor's Village screaming.

"Where is she? Where's the mutt?!"

Haymitch's senses finally kick in and he's out the door before I know it. He gives me direct orders to stay inside no matter what happens out there and to try and not be seen by him. So I curl in a ball and sit in the corner of the room sobbing. I don't know what to do, my plan was to help him but now I don't even know for sure what sets him off. Peeta my Peeta thinks I'm a mu... No, I can't think like that. That's not Peeta, my Peeta would never hurt me. That's a Capitol created Peeta, created for mass destruction and my death.

An hour or so later Haymitch comes back in, he seems distressed... "What happened Haymitch is he alright?"

"Yes he's fine, but I wouldn't go and see him again today, he's still shaken and thinks he may hurt you". I nod with understanding, but I know I have to go and see him now. I have to assure him I know he will never hurt me and that if he were even close to it I know how to help him calm down.

I leave Haymitch's quickly and head straight to Peeta's. I know he doesn't trust himself, I know he's probably not going to want to see me, but it is my job right now to reassure him. As this morning I knock on the door gently not wanting to startle him after an attack. I hear him slowly come to he bolted door but he first peaks out the window to see who it is. When he sees that it's me, he shakes his head as if shaking away a bad memory and then nodding to himself and taking a deep breath. He has assured himself that he can face me? But that's my job.

He opens the door slowly and is the first to speak, "Katniss, I'm so sorry about this, but I don't trust myself around you anymore. Not for me but for you, I could never live with myself if I ever actually hurt you again," I look into his eyes looking for any hope of sarcasm, but he's not kidding. He starts to close the door when I finally speak up.

" Peeta, I know what you're thinking, you're being the good old selfless Peeta and thinking only of keeping me safe. But I'm not safe unless I'm with you. Before you came here yesterday I hadn't spoken a word in weeks, no one could get me talk, move, or eat. You came back and that all changed. Peeta, I can't live without you in my life." He looks up at me as if I'm joking and I return it with a very serious smile showing I'm not joking, "And that's another thing I haven't done in months, maybe a year, smile."

"Katniss, you're so strong I know you can move on from this, move on from me. You could have anyone you wanted I'm sure. Someone else can make you smile too, someone who's not a Capitol formulated mutt".

"Peeta, you don't understand, what they did to you was not your fault if anything it was mine. When it comes down to it though it was just Snow, Snow making us pieces in his games..."

He cuts me off, cringing, "I've said that before real or not real?"

"Real. Before our first games you said that you didn't just want to be a piece in their games". He sighs a sigh of relief and I take this as my cue to tell him how I can help him. "Peeta don't you see, I can help you, I can help you get better, I'm the only one who was their with you throughout the entirety of the games, the entirety of our relationship".

Peeta looks puzzled at first and i start to try and explain it again but he cuts me off, "I understand. I do. You can help me, but if I go into an attack you have to promise me you won't stick around you have to go straight over to Haymitch's, he's the only one who can stop me". That's what he thinks... I know how to too. There could be even more ways to stop them, there's the kiss, but maybe singing would work too.

"Ok. Deal," I reply to his offer. He slides over so I can get in, he waves his hand as if to enter. I enter his house, the same as mine, but it's happier, more homey, and smells like fresh made bread. "Do you want to start now?" I ask.

"Why don't we get some tea first and then we can talk for a little while, we'll start with the easy "real or not real's" and only a few tonight, lets try and just have them flow with our conversation".

Our conversations are so easy, I even giggled a bit. The hardest parts were when he asked the questions, it's just the first night and theses are just the easy ones and I'm realizing not only is this going to be hard for him, it's going to be hard for me too. Remembering the past that I've tried to forget for so long now.

**_A/N: So I'm pretty proud of this one, the writing may not be exceptional but I worked hard on it, got it up quick, and it's very long! Almost 2,000 words! Please review, I love your advice and critique. I should get another chapter up this weekend, midterms will be over and I'll have lots of free for reading!_**


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